guest post: when in the company of gossips

 

We’re doing a slow-read through the entire book of Proverbs this year during the months of January thru October this year in the church family of which I am a part. We call this project the Insight for Life project. With that project in mind, I invited several friends of mine to submit a brief article on any proverb (or group of proverbs) of their choosing for publication here on my blog. Dan Williams, Vice-President for Church Relations at Harding University, selected Proverbs 20.19 (one of today’s texts to read) as his Scripture to home in on. I commend his thoughts to you. Thank you, Dan, for the good stuff!
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Here’s a rule of life you should never forget:  If people will gossip with you, they will gossip about you.  In his bestselling book, The Speed of Trust, author Stephen M.R. Covey demonstrates that principle by relating the following experience:

Many years ago, I worked in a company where I would go to lunch almost daily with a group of about 12 coworkers. When they finished eating, a couple of people in the group would get up and leave, and the others would immediately start talking about them. When two or three more would leave, the group would talk about them. It got to where I didn’t dare leave the table because I knew the minute I left, they’d start talking about me!

I am sure Covey’s last comment is made in jest, because he must have realized that, short of staying alongside these gossips 24 hours a day, there was no way to avoid being the target of their tawdry tongues.

Rather than remaining in the company of those with loose lips, Solomon recommends an opposite strategy:

“A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” (Proverbs 20:19)

According to Solomon, once Covey saw the character of his lunch companions, his best strategy would have been to quickly – and permanently – change tables!  There is no guarantee that avoiding their company would have stopped them from gossiping about him, of course, but it would accomplish three things:

First, it would ensure that others would not interpret his continued association as indicating that he condoned or supported their gossiping.

Second, it would help him to avoid acquiring their bad habit.  Scripture warns us repeatedly that bad character is contagious (Proverbs 22:24-25; 1 Corinthians 5:6; 15:33)!

And third, it would prevent him from accidentally revealing any personal information that would provide ammunition for their tale bearing tongues.

An indiscreet person who blithely engages in the character assassination of others behind their backs has demonstrated that he or she cannot be trusted.  When you find yourself in the company of gossips, Solomon says the best thing to do is get away!

links: this went thru my mind

 

Attention, busyness, communication, connection, distraction, listening & relationships: 3 Ways We Lose When We Don’t Connect with Others

“… sometimes the failure to be fully present with others is more than a momentary occurrence. Some people are just not emotionally present regardless of the circumstances. This is just the way they function. In other words, they live each day not really present in the moment they have right now. What do we lose when we are not fully present?”

Boko Haram: * Boko Haram is Not New; * Supplement to Boko Haram is Not New

* “The recent kidnapping of 300 girls in northern Nigeria has rightly ignited a fresh firestorm of concern about Boko Haram. We must be grateful that the world’s attention has turned to this crisis. … Although Boko Haram itself may date to 2002, similar violence was occurring in northern Nigeria in the 1990′s.”

* “… it is important for the world to know that these events have been building for a long time. Those in Nigeria working for peace and restoration (including help for the girls) need our prayers.”

Church, conformity, culture & Millenials: It’s Not About Conforming to the World

“These so-called ‘progressive evangelicals’ believe the Church must conform to the world or die. They tell us millennials will leave if we don’t get with the program and imitate the culture when it comes to gender, sexuality, and science. But we must remain faithful to the Gospel and to God’s Word in the face of this pressure or else risk losing our identity. We can’t just give in to the world because of pressure to be cool.”

“I hear some version of this argument at least once a week … and I believe it is common enough (and reasonable enough) to warrant a brief response here, extended with nothing but grace, peace, and goodwill for my brothers and sisters in Christ with whom I respectfully disagree.”

Depression: * The Hard Fought War Over Depression; * How to Help a Friend Fight Depression

* “Depression is a buried mind-field warfare and we must be careful not to step on them. We can blame others; yet I believe such charges are weak excuses. We are the ones who decide whether to let circumstances and comments take us down. We have the choice to resist. I was notoriously weak at resistance. For one, I didn’t know how. However, Philippians 4:4-9 urged me to practice thinking about the many things going right, with the promise that if I would, then the peace of God would persist.  When I began to obey this divine charge, a new and surprising life arose. I’d never seen this side of the thought terrain.”

* “I know I’m hard to love when I’m depressed, but if you are the rare friend who is committed to staying with me through the pain, consider these seven ways you can help me.”

God, grace, mercy & Scripture: The Bible Wasn’t Written to Tell God What He Has to Do [essential reading]

“… God will have mercy on whom he chooses to have mercy.”

links: this went thru my mind

 

Body language: Body Language: An Amazing Infographic

“… your body language tells the world all about you.”

Church, communication, first impressions, guests, signage & welcome: Welcome to “No Church” – 4 Steps To Reversing Your Negative Church Messaging

“Negative messaging narrows your thought activity and focuses on actions related to the message. Positive messages on the other hand, broaden your thinking and create openness. … So the big question is what kind of brain patterns do you want to create for people as they enter your church an prepare to worship the all-powerful and all-present living God and creator of the universe? Let’s play this out for a guest coming to your church. What happens when they hit a cascade of messages like these …”

Creation, rest & sabbath: Sabbath and Wendell Berry

“By Sara Barton, chaplain at Pepperdine University and author A Woman Called.”

Faith, religion & spirituality: Bad Religion’s Alternative: No Religion or Good Religion?

“… a growing number of Americans are starving for an alternative to negative, closed-minded, judgmental, partisan, antiwomen, antiscience religion. Instead, they are searching for a positive, grace-filled, open-minded, gender-equal faith option.” Where are they finding this? Can they find this?”

Simplicity: 10 Images to Help Inspire Simplicity in Your Life

“If you are not content today, there is nothing you can buy this weekend to change that.”

links: this went thru my mind

 

Alzheimer’s, communication, compassion, respect & sensitivity: 5 Things to Never Say to a Person With Alzheimer’s

“When relating to a person with Alzheimer’s, there are many guidelines to follow. I’m going to discuss five of the most basic ones here: (1) Don’t tell them they are wrong about something, (2) Don’t argue with them, (3) Don’t ask if they remember something, (4) Don’t remind them that their spouse, parent or other loved one is dead, and (5) Don’t bring up topics that may upset them.”

Attitude, admiration, behavior, character & emulation: Five People I Admire [required reading]

“1. I admire people who are respectful and gracious in their speech. … 2. I admire people who are quick to say ‘I’m sorry.’ … 3. I admire people who build up instead of destroy. … 4. I admire people who don’t have to be the center of attention. … 5. I admire people who spread joy instead of cynicism.”

Awkwardness, friendship, generations & vulnerability: The Silver Lining of Awkwardness [required reading]

“An opportunity is buried inside each of your awkward moments. … Awkwardness is an invitation to vulnerability. And vulnerability is where friendship is born.”

Hispanics & politics: Finding a Place: Hispanic Faith, Work and Identity

“It’s the middle of another election year. And while midterms historically draw a smaller crowd of voters, they bring to the forefront of political conversation a variety of issues intended to energize voter bases and solidify party candidates. Predictably, one of those issues is once again immigration.”

Maps: 40 Maps That Will Help You Make Sense of the World

“Hopefully some of these maps will surprise you and you’ll learn something new. A few are important to know, some interpret and display data in a beautiful or creative way, and a few may even make you chuckle or shake your head.”

Marriage & relationships: Eight Things Healthy Couples Don’t Do

“It’s often harder to see the good relationships, because they aren’t out slamming doors and stomping around and airing grievances on social media. Here are eight things healthy couples don’t do …”

Reflection, silence & spiritual growth: Screwtape and Silence

“Why we need times of quiet reflection — and why the devil hates them.”

links: this went thru my mind

 

Care, communication, considerate, counsel, empathy, sensitivity & sympathy: The Semantics of Sympathy [essential reading]

“… by using ‘but,’ we invalidate them—we shrug them off as if the harm they’re causing isn’t worthy of our concern. We use the word carelessly in conversations that feel crucial to the suffering person, and we send the often unintentional message that ‘Hey, I know it hurts, but that’s not really meaningful because there’s this other happy stuff you should be thinking about.’”

Civility, kindness & social media: 12 Ways Christians Can Be Less Mean [essential reading]

“It seems to me, we’ve lost some of our civility when it comes to what we post on social media. … The web has made it much easier to be a critic. … It all has to hurt our witness as Christians.”

Health insurance & Medicare: * Why I’m Jealous of My Dog’s Insurance; * Medicare: A Quiet Sea Change in Medicare

* “I was envious. My 11-year-old brown Labrador was getting the kind of treatment that I could only dream of. I wanted to go to PetCare. I wanted pet insurance.”

* “The change may have the most far-reaching impact on seniors who want to avoid institutional care. People with chronic conditions may be able to get the care they need to live in their own homes for as long as they need it … if they otherwise qualify for coverage.”

Hobby Lobby & the Supreme Court: Church of Christ Member Serves as Counsel for Hobby Lobby

“Lori Windham, a member of the Fairfax Church of Christ in Virginia and a graduate of Abilene Christian University in Texas, serves as counsel for Hobby Lobby in a closely watched religious freedom case heard by the U.S. Supreme Court on Tuesday.”